DVD Facilitator's Guide

Lesson 9
The Reasons Punishment Doesn't Work

Preview

Parents will realize that any artificially created consequence for a given behavior will be defined as punishment for the purposes of this course.
Parents will learn that any use of punishment will bring about the maximum in natural human resistance to change (known as the "push-back response") in their children.
Parents will learn that punishment removes the focus of both the "punisher" (the parent) and the "punishee" (the child) from the behavior in question.
Parents will learn that punishment arouses and focuses anger on the "punisher" (the parent.)
Parents will learn that punishment induced behavior extinguishes (goes away) very rapidly, especially when the child is outside the presence of the punishment.
Parents will learn that punishment traps the "punisher" into maintaining the punishment schedule and following through on threats or promises.
Parents will learn that punishment does not teach accountability but rather, it teaches kids that their parents are accountable for the kid's behavior.
Parents will learn, most of all, punishment denies a child the right to experience the real consequences of their actions.

The ideas in our children's heads, not our punishment, will rule their worlds. It doesn't matter what you say or do to your child; it is what your child says to him/herself that will determine what becomes their reality. As a matter of fact, punishment most often causes a child to say very negative and unproductive things to themselves.
The punishment for poor performance is poor performance. It is our job as a child's mentor, to help them see the real consequences of their behavior; not create new ones.
The reward for good performance is good performance. It is our job, as a child's mentor, to help them to see the intrinsic rewards in "doing what is right." We do not need to be handing out rewards; we need to help our children find natural satisfaction in performing well.

Parents will identify a situation where normally they would resort to punishment as a tool to control one of their children's behaviors. Then, the parent will devise a strategy other than punishment to help the child focus on the natural and real consequences of their action.
Next, parents should attempt to help the child pick a substitute behavior to use in that same situation that would bring about a much more appealing and rewarding outcome.

Facilitator's Lessons: 1-2 | 3-4 | 5-6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10