9 | 10
DVD Facilitator's Guide
Reasons Punishment Doesn't Work
- Parents will realize that any artificially created consequence
for a given behavior will be defined as punishment for the purposes
of this course.
- Parents will learn that any use of punishment will bring about
the maximum in natural human resistance to change (known as the
"push-back response") in their children.
- Parents will learn that punishment removes the focus of both the
"punisher" (the parent) and the "punishee" (the child) from the
behavior in question.
- Parents will learn that punishment arouses and focuses anger on
the "punisher" (the parent.)
- Parents will learn that punishment induced behavior extinguishes
(goes away) very rapidly, especially when the child is outside the
presence of the punishment.
- Parents will learn that punishment traps the "punisher" into
maintaining the punishment schedule and following through on threats
- Parents will learn that punishment does not teach accountability
but rather, it teaches kids that their parents are accountable for
the kid's behavior.
- Parents will learn, most of all, punishment denies a child the
right to experience the real consequences of their actions.
- The ideas in our children's heads, not our punishment, will rule
their worlds. It doesn't matter what you say or do to your child; it
is what your child says to him/herself that will determine what
becomes their reality. As a matter of fact, punishment most often
causes a child to say very negative and unproductive things to
- The punishment for poor performance is poor performance. It is
our job as a child's mentor, to help them see the real consequences
of their behavior; not create new ones.
- The reward for good performance is good performance. It is our
job, as a child's mentor, to help them to see the intrinsic rewards
in "doing what is right." We do not need to be handing out rewards;
we need to help our children find natural satisfaction in performing
- Parents will identify a situation where normally they would
resort to punishment as a tool to control one of their children's
behaviors. Then, the parent will devise a strategy other than
punishment to help the child focus on the natural and real
consequences of their action.
- Next, parents should attempt to help the child pick a substitute
behavior to use in that same situation that would bring about a much
more appealing and rewarding outcome.
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